Reading the Subtext

Last night my husband and I got into the most ridiculous argument. It was about a re-scheduling a doctor's appointment. Really. That was it. It then escalated into a screaming match. We are not the perfect couple. I would love to tell you that after a disagreement we have long esoteric discussions about our feelings and then end with an affirmation of our love and respect for one another while holding hands and gazing soulfully into each other's eyes. This would not be truthful on my part. Usually we try not to go to bed angry.

Last night this was not to be.

I woke up this morning and meditated on what was really being said during the argument. Not the actual words, but the subtext. My husband texted me after he had left for work to apologize, and then asked if I really didn't like him.  My response was this:

         Ok let me explain how that conversation should have gone-
         me: are you going to the doctor tomorrow?
         you: no, they re-scheduled it for the 16th
         me: ok

         As you were yelling about me asking stupid questions- this is the subtext of
         what I heard:
         you: YES I said I was going to the doctor and I am going to go- stop
         picking on me I am doing my best to get in shape and change my habits,
         and by the way I am having a hard time at work especially tomorrow
         and NOW I am going to take out all of my
         frustrations on you and be overly sensitive!

Then I told him I do like him. He wrote back that he loved me. Moving onward and upward.

One of the Yamas (social ethics in yoga) is the practice of Satya or Truth. Sometimes the truth of what we say lies not in the actual words, but in the meaning behind them. This obviously can get tricky. If I had slowed the argument down to process the fact that I had been home with the children for two icy days and he was dealing with some very hard things of his own, then I might have searched for the true reason for the argument and prevented the ensuing chaos. But it is hard to take a breath and a step back, especially in a heated moment. It must be practiced because we use subtext all of the time whether we mean to or not. To approach a situation truthfully is not always easy, it can, in fact, be painful.

I taught a slower class today. We opened up the hips from every single angle. My friend Rebekah, who is a wonderful teacher, remarked that when you slow it down the breath becomes so important. The opening and satya of the pose are dependent on slowing it down and breathing. Sometimes this feels wonderful, sometimes it feels intense, sometimes it downright hurts. I would like to approach my life, inner and outer, in the same way. I will not always be able to do this, but I will PRACTICE eliminating some of the subtext.

This is not to say it is always appropriate to tell the truth

When asked "Do I look fat in this?"- the appropriate answer is
always NO.......significant others take note