This morning I went for a walk and had coffee with my dear friend Amy. Every year she dutifully gives up something for Lent. In the past it has been sugar, white flour and shopping. We were on the the phone yesterday and she was musing on what it was going to be this year. Her husband made the suggestion that she should give up shopping again. (Of course) When we met this morning she revealed her choice.
She is going to give up complaining.
I took this in and then asked her if she was allowed to complain silently. She responded no, she was not. If she was stuck in traffic she would not complain, she would merely be hopeful that things would clear up. Me, being the Yoga Nerd that I am, then told her, "You are practicing turning to Grace!!". I was very impressed and inspired.
When one gets into a rut (we all do) we have to turn to grace to get ourselves out. In yoga it is referred to as Samskara- the patterns of life in the human condition. When life is weighing on you SO heavily and chaos seems to reign and then someone tells you to think positively- usually you are going to want to punch that person in the mouth, or tell them where they can stick their own positive energy. It has to start within. There has to be a commitment made INTERNALLY in the heart and the head. Then comes the work.
We complain. There ARE things to complain about. Some things bigger than others. Do I think we should fake being happy and walk around like Little Mary Sunshine? No. Do I think we should tell everyone to stay positive? Not necessarily. The last time I talked to a friend about being positive, she dropped her phone and then her very expensive sunglasses broke in half. I have to start with ME, not shove it down someone else's throat.
Rather than letting my brain automatically go to a negative place, I have to STOP and EXAMINE the thought and then set a different tone from an authentic place. Is this situation good or unhealthy? What can I be pro-active and DO about it? What do I have to place in the Universe's hands and be hopeful when I can't control the situation? How do I tell the difference?
PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE
I teach students how to carry themselves in their everyday lives. I tell them that they have to THINK about how they are carrying themselves until their bodies eventually retain the muscular memory and their is no longer the need for the conscious effort. The same is true of thought process. If you practice thinking a certain way- eventually that is where your mind is going to go. You create the path and the patterns.
A few months ago I lost my voice. I couldn't talk (or yell), but I could whisper. What was amazing that was my children start to talk in low tones, to me AND to each other. We started listening to one another better than we ever had. I set the tone and they followed. My house was wonderfully quiet for a few days. I try now to reference those days before I start to yell at anyone.
So next time instead of telling someone to smile, smile at them yourself. Instead of telling someone what to do, practice what you are committed to doing yourself.
Or get punched.
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