Playtime

Sorry for not posting for awhile! I am back from vacation and while I was away I was having phone issues. I took this as a sign that I should put my phone AWAY for the length of the vacation and focus on my family and myself in that order. I have to say I feel no guilt in doing so. I was too busy playing.

My parents graciously invited us to stay with them for the week of Easter vacation. The weather was absolutely perfect, I got to spend some time with my family without dashing off to work or the sound and fury of everyday life, and I got to see my dear friend Gray and her family. We found many sharks teeth, logged many hours in the pool and ate wonderful food. Mom and Dad let us sleep in, and took the kids for us so Alex and I could be together alone and I got to go to yoga with my Mom. A blissful week. Oh yes...I also turned forty.

My older son started swim lessons when he was six months old. He was a total pain in the ass to take to the beach. He would crawl into the surf. When he was old enough, he would RUN into the surf, get knocked around by the waves before either Alex or I could drag him out, deposit him in front of his toys, play for one moment, and he was up and running to repeat the entire process. It was lifeguard duty for a determined toddler. It was the same situation in any pool. We had to keep our eyes on him or he would launch himself into the water. This was exhausting and the source of many arguments between Alex and I about who was on Xander duty. All of this changed before his third birthday.

We were swimming in a friend's pool at the end of the summer. This pool was probably built in the 1970's- so the deep end was DEEP. We took our eyes off of Xander for one second and he jumped into twelve feet of water and sank like a stone. I immediately screamed and our friend Paul jumped in right after him and fished our coughing, sputtering son out of the water. I don't know who was more upset, but it didn't matter, he was safe. The problem was while finally acquiring a healthy respect for the water, he also developed an intense fear. It took a few years before he would consider swimming. Our water baby was no more.

Our younger son Max adopted Xander's fear. He listened to us coaxing Xander out into the surf and our pleadings to go under water, that we were RIGHT THERE and he was safe. He watched Xander and decided that if something was too scary for his older brother, than it was definitely too scary for him. Now we have two children who refuse to put their heads under water or venture out into the deep end of the pool. How do we help them recover from their fears?

Last year Xander, at the age of seven, began to swim on his own. He didn't want to miss out on anything that was going on with the other kids. We encouraged him and he began to swim with enough confidence that we could relax a little bit. Max still refused no matter what the incentive.

Before we left for vacation last week, I casually asked Max if he wanted a swimming lesson in Florida. He immediately became hysterical. It took me two hours to fully calm him down. When we got to my parents house, Xander swam happily around the pool. Max barely put his feet in the water.

My husband comes from the Old school German way of teaching- just make him do it...if we throw him in- he will HAVE to swim. Perhaps this might work or a certain type of child, it might also provide a psychologist with a lifelong client. Max kept begging me to play with him in the water. Finally, I did. We didn't do anything too crazy. I didn't push him. Xander was showing off doing cannonballs. Max wanted to play too. He put on a swim belt. He started tenuously floating with it. He puts his arms around a noodle and paddled around a bit in the shallow end.

Days went by and Max started doing more and more. I noticed that the big breakthroughs happened while he was playing with one of us. It wasn't "teaching" it was actual play in the beginning....then Alex and I started throwing some instruction in there disguised as play. It took less than a week for Max to figure out swimming under water. It was beautiful to watch him do it. He learned through playing. It was then I started thinking about all of the best teachers I have ever had- yoga or otherwise. Each one of them brought something playful; something JOYFUL to their teachings. Each one of them made ME want to find the joy in learning- no matter what the subject, and helped me get over my fears. Max got over his fear of the water by finding the joy in playing in it.

Shouldn't there be an element of joy to the things we do all the time? Otherwise- why do we do them? It doesn't have to be a breakthrough moment all of the time....but shouldn't we be able to find the playfulness in our day to day lives? If we take ourselves SO seriously where is the room for joy in creativity? Or humor? Or playfulness? What happens if we take this element away from our kids?

Charlotte Cavanaugh, the Director of my children's pre-school would tell her type A parents (most of us) about the importance of play in the early stages of learning in a child's life. I think that finding this same element as an adult is just as important. Do I mean we should give up all responsibility? Obviously NOT. However, as with all things, there needs to be a balance. You never know what you might discover.

My FIVE year old taught me this this past week.