Bad Day...Good Friend

I was having a tough morning this morning. Everyone has them. Usually it is several things which hit at once creating a perfect storm of anxiety and frustration. I always think it would be easier if one crazy thing could happen a week rather than all at once, yet the universe never seems to comply. It also doesn't help that I am having PMS which is probably TMI- my apologies.

So to set the scene....this morning I woke up early, yet managed miraculously to fall back asleep, thus ensuring I would wake up LATE to get my kids ready for school. The kids were not very receptive to me flying down the stairs with half my clothes on frantically crying, "We are LATE! CLOTHES ON!!!!" and then whirling around like a spastic tornado. They alternatively rolled their eyes at me or flat out ignored me, whipping me into greater heights of frenzy. My husband then called giving me VERY stressful news. While I tried to process this news and get everyone out the door simultaneously, I couldn't find my keys or my shoes. My five year old then asked me, "What is wrong with you?" at which point I burst into tears.

Now both the kids are both looking at me with alarmed expressions. I tearfully ask them to get in the car, and fearful of me losing it further, they go without a word. We go off to school with me chanting like a mantra....Mommy's fine, Mommy's fine, Mommy's FINE......

I get to Starbucks after drop-off, order my coffee and sit down figuring that the caffeine will calm my nerves. Even the baristas are looking at me the way one would look at someone who might be crazy and perhaps it is better to treat said person carefully. I put my headphones in and begin to write out a lesson plan for the afternoon. I am teaching 15 six-year olds for their Daisy Troop meeting. (which was kind of like herding cute little kittens....on speed...fun but exhausting)

My friend walks in who I meet most mornings. She had called earlier to tell me that she didn't have time to sit with me today because she had a spin class she was running to. She says hi quickly and then gets in line to order her coffee. Then she looks at me a little more carefully.

Now normally I am the type to not share my inner turmoil, I am more of the "I'm FINE!! How are YOU??" personality. She gets out of line and comes over and asks, "What's wrong?" Now this is the second time I have been asked this today, once by my child and now by one of my close friends. I don't want to bother her though, so I try not to cry, which results in my face looking like a squashed tomato. She then immediately puts her arms around me for a hug and I do start to cry....in Starbucks.

When I cry, I don't look like my friend Melissa, who looks tragically beautiful. I look like a mess, and I sound like a sheep with a head cold. Suffice it to say, it is not pretty. But it needed to come out, and it did. In Starbucks. I was so mentally exhausted at this point from trying to keep it together, that everything that was bothering me or hurting came flooding out. My friend sat quietly and listened. She hugged me when she felt I needed it.

I then realized with horror that she hadn't gotten her soy latte and she was going to be late for spin class. She told me not to worry about the coffee, she didn't need it. She then said, "I wish there was something I could do other than listen." I responded, "But that is all I needed....a friend to listen to me." She gave me one last hug and left.

I felt drained, but better. I then realized I had forgotten to ask her something about a play date. I was about to text her when I looked up and she was walking back in. Had she forgotten something? She came and sat beside me and said, "I don't want to leave you." When I tried to protest, she told me to shut up. So I did.

I sat with a good friend and it was all I needed to center myself. She gave me this gift. So simple. Quiet listening, empathetic comfort and unconditional friendship. This is what defines true friendship.

I often say that listening is a skill we need to practice every day. To give someone your undivided attention without framing your response to them in your head as they talk requires practice. We want to fix things for the people we love, (or flat out FIX the people we love) but often all that person requires is authentic attention. It is a gift.

So thank you friend....you know who you are.