A work constantly in progress- a woman constantly in motion….

When we moved into our house in Atlanta I was determined to unpack and settle in as much as possible before the kids arrived. My thought process was that when the kids showed up in Atlanta they wouldn't feel as displaced if the house wasn't in total chaos. At least that is what I told myself. And to be fair (to me) it was true. However, to be honest, it was just as important for me. I just didn't realize how manic I would get at certain points.

To explain the schedule we were on during "the summer that wasn't" I have to explain our timing. It went something like this:

Kids get out of school.
Kids and Courtney go to Vineyard to settle in with Grandparents for a month.
Courtney leaves Vineyard for CT to pack up house and tie up loose ends.
Courtney and Alex drive uHaul full of artwork and frozen meat (don't ask) to Atlanta from CT in one day. (I don't recommend it)
Courtney and Alex live in hotel until they close.
Courtney and Alex feverishly unpack for three days.
Courtney flies back to Vineyard.
Courtney packs up kids and drives to Atlanta from Martha's Vineyard.
Courtney and kids arrive- school starts.

This all happened in one month. Now if the process had been drawn out I think it probably would have been harder in a way. I was motivated in a way I don't think I would have been if there weren't time constraints. It reminded me of working as a cook. The thinking is, "What do I have to do in the next minute?" Then get it done and move on.

Now let me be clear- I LOVE my new house. I love the layout. I love the energy and flow. I love that we live on a quiet cul de sac with wonderful people. The house is awesome. It also had not been re-decorated in quite some time. So when the kids went off to school, all of a sudden I found some time on  my hands. And I was still in go mode. And I wasn't working yet. hmmmmmmmm.

The house came with this ornate crystal chandelier. It was sparkly and HUGE. I don't begrudge anyone their bling, but it wasn't our taste. So. I was going to sell that sucker. Alex told me that I could do anything I wanted with the money I made from the chandelier. I asked to get that in writing. The chandelier went up for sale on Ebay, the Buckhead Exchange and Craigslist. I called every consignment store or retailer I could find to see if there was any way I could get what I wanted for it. In the meantime there were consignment stores to hit- warehouse sales to check out and ebay deals to be had. Alex was completely exasperated with me. "We JUST moved in!" he would yell- "I'M NESTING!" I would yell back. I wanted the house to be the way it was in my mind.

The problem with decorating a house is that when you do one thing- you step back and look and think, Well THAT looks awesome, but you know what would look ever BETTER? you are screwed. Poor Alex kept venturing opinions which I wasn't really listening to- because I had all these images in my brain of how I wanted things to be. Creating perfection in my mind's eye.

I went out to lunch with my friend Renee and was ranting on and on about how I had to sell the chandelier because I NEEDED to paint the wood paneled room that looked like a dark "wood cave" because it was driving me absolutely crazy. She looked at me and said,

"Girl- you are in the South now, you need to SLOW DOWN."

Um, what? What do you mean? Alex had said this to me, but it didn't really register. Well, why the hell am I getting so worked up? Didn't I used to say in class ALL THE TIME that the beauty was in the effort- not the end result? If I'm not taking pleasure in doing this- why am I doing it? Am I wanting the image in my head- the perfection- because I can't stop and look at the good things already in place? When I look around, the only things I see are what I want to change? Oh man, this is not good. My need to be "settled" had transformed itself into something else. Something not healthy.

So, what to do when I need to stop and become present? Get on the mat. Breathe. Soften. And with that softening I started to appreciate how much had been done. And the things that "needed" to be done, didn't need to be done RIGHT AWAY. Motivation is great as long as you know what, is in fact, truly motivating you. My need for the feeling of security in where I was was reflecting itself in my need to make my house a home- immediately. But it is a home. Because we are all here together on this new adventure in this wonderful city living in it.

I have calmed down. I probably need to chill a bit more. I am working on it. Grace in motion hopefully. I did sell the chandelier to a lovely Russian woman in Brooklyn on Ebay and now our eighties wood paneled room is a wonderful light gray. I sit in it and am quite blissful- I just won't look at the green marble surrounding the fireplace. That's a project for another day.