Offering, not Owing.

I taught the cutest pair of newlyweds today....I mean married as of this past weekend! She practices yoga and he does not, but he had come to class to be with her. Awwwww! I had a theme set for this morning's class, but I decided to change tack and offer one of my favorite stories instead.

Years ago a few months before I married Alex, my father shared this story with me. When he and my mother were about to wed, they were due to meet with the pastor of my mother's church. My mother is from a small town in Florida where the biggest club in her high school was the Future Farmers of America. She and her family attended a Southern Baptist church. My father was not thrilled to go to this meeting because he assumed the conversation would be filled with fire and brimstone and sin and salvation. My father was young and lately returned from Vietnam. I'm sure what he imagined  he was going to hear was the the last thing on earth he wanted to listen to.

The pastor sat across from my parents and told them that he liked to fish. They looked at each other confused. What did this have to with getting married? The pastor then explained that he liked to fish, but when he went fishing he was gone for most of the day. If he was gone for most of the day his wife might assume that he owes her and she would be then be able to go shopping. If she went shopping, then he would be allowed to barbecue with friends. If he barbecued with friends, then he owed her a dinner with her family. He then looked at my parents and explained this was not how to keep a marriage healthy.

When you love someone and commit to be their partner, it is easy to start keeping score. He got to do this- so I get to do that. She spent x dollars on this, so I get to spend x dollars on THAT. And so on, and so on. Starting a tally that can be used in arguments, figured into resentment, factored into decision making- that is in a word, dangerous. It will simply never be even.

Do you know someone who feels that life owes them something? That there is a sense of entitlement in the way they view the world? These people are most often disappointed. I know because I think I used to be one of them. My idea of my life was based around how I grew up. I assumed I would meet someone, we would buy a house, have three kids, go sailing in the summer, belong to a club, go skiing in the winter, take a vacation once a year to somewhere exotic, blah, blah blah....When my father told me this story, I couldn't process it appropriately, because I hadn't gone through anything at that point in my life that was so hard that it sent me reeling. I had to grow up and rid myself of this sense that I deserved these things, which were in fact, illusory. When you truly grow up, your priorities change. Sometimes it takes awhile. Some people never grow up.

Having been through a few of those things later in life, I now can appreciate the story. I want my husband to do the things he loves. He is very gracious at sending me off to do the things I love. We also have to keep making plans TOGETHER. It is not tit for tat, but it is also not separate lives. Even though we like different things, we are partners. Sometimes it is not easy. Sometimes I look at Alex and my heart is full.....sometimes I feel like he is breathing too loud.

So you have to find the balance. If you love someone this is what we strive for....NOT the equal tally.  A small gesture by a loved one can mean the world when it is given with an open heart. To recognize that your loved one allows you to do the things that enhance your life and make you happy is wonderful, to make offerings back, vital. I don't want to demand appreciation from him for the things I do. Nor do I want to use words like: allow, deserve, owe.... I DO want his respect along with his love. I'm not a doormat either. Love isn't conditional, but it should be mindful.

So if you are lucky enough to find a partner in this wild ride...choose respect, offer love and support. Check in and LISTEN. Don't keep score. To owe means to be indebted, a word that should never be associated with love. If you are in it for the long haul, it is worth the work.

Yeah Dave....Yoga Duuuuuude....

So yesterday I taught a class about judgement. Judgement of others, judgement of ourselves....judging with our hearts, not with our eyes or minds or pre-conceived notions.....blah blah blah....(just kidding, everything I say is VERY deep). Okay- there was a method to my madness because I was basically talking to myself as well as my students because that night I was going to take a class from a teacher who was unknown to me. I have said this before, yoga teachers can be, shall we say, somewhat opinionated about their style of yoga....not me of course.

I am a spoiled brat when it comes to my yoga classes (the ones I take- not the ones I teach.) In the area where I live there is a veritable smorgasbord of yoga classes and top tier teachers...something for everyone. You want to go Iyengar? Bust out the straps, blocks and blankets there is a class for you! Power Yoga? Get ready to sweat! Bikram? Get ready to sweat MORE. Anusara? Ashtanga? Kundalini? We are blessed with options. When I encounter new yoga students and they inevitably ask me which yoga I think that they should try, I tell them to sample everything. Find what resonates, find what feels GOOD, but be mindful. I myself, took a very long and winding path to the yoga I practice and teach today.

Okay, so my dear friend Amy was searching for my blog on Google and she typed in Yoga and Chocolate. Now my little dog and pony show is not going to be the first thing that pops up on Google. Apparently there are a LOT of yogis that love chocolate, and no one loves it more than Yeah Dave. 

David Romanelli is a yoga teacher who has a blog and a book about "Livin the Moment, man" (I added the man) He is all about living life to the fullest, enjoying each moment, and he is very funny. His blog posts are on a variety of subjects from facing your mortality to man boobs. Amy proceeded to read his blog and loved it so much that she bought his book. She then passed it on to me. When Dave announced a yoga workshop for foodies in NYC, Amy bought tickets and invited me as her date. Our friends Karen and Kristen joined us as well. Yoga AND food? yes, please.

Now let me explain, I am picky when it comes to my own practice, but I don't judge anyone else's choices. There is room enough in this big world for everyone. I walked into this evening excited to practice, eat well and laugh with dear friends. Yeah Dave kind of looks like my husband's little brother and he LOVES jam bands, as does my husband. I would rather stick a fork in my eyeball than listen to Phish and when someone asks me what my favorite Grateful Dead song is, my response is always, "The short one." But again, this world would be boring if we all liked the same flavor.

The theme of the class revolved around the fact that we detach ourselves from visceral experience. We are becoming more and more desensitized to things we should be savoring. Modern technology can do everything for us, but it can't FEEL for us. It was interesting hearing about this from a guy who has built his entire business from his blog and facebook, but since you are reading this in MY blog...pot meet kettle. (Hee, Hee) I digress.....Yoga, music and food are wonderful ways to re-connect. 

Great food for me is a FEAST for the senses (literally). The ingredients combined artfully to appear beautiful, the textures in the mouth, the smells and sounds of the food while it is cooking and of course the tastes of different elements of the dishes- spicy, sweet, sour, rich....etc. Anyone who has ever watched me eat knows how much I relish the experience (Yo Alan!). I take forever to put together bites on my plate, and I often close my eyes while chewing. My friends are either highly amused by this or highly annoyed. I never even realized I did this until college. I was dating a guy and we went out to dinner. In the middle of the meal I looked up and he had his fork halfway to his mouth watching me. I asked what he was doing and he explained he was trying to eat slower than I was and it was next to impossible. 

Do you ever hear a song in your car and you are immediately transported in time to a specific moment in your life? Auditory sensory memories are very special. I remember what was playing in the background when I had my first kiss (The Cure) I remember everyone singing impromptu at the last great party of the year before we all went off to college (Led Zeppellin- Hey, Hey What Can I do). A few months ago my brother in law and I drunkenly bought tickets to Broken Bells in Boston. That show with my husband, sister and brother in law was simply in a word, AWESOME. Not just because of the music and singing The High Road along with a couple of thousand people, but because I was sharing the experience with people I love. It is one of my new favorite memories.

Yoga begins in the opening to Grace and the experience, creating a strong foundation by drawing from the inside and then expanding out organically in all directions. When everything lines up it is one of the most visceral, glorious experiences I believe one can have. It is Shri; it is RADIANT. When a teacher makes different offerings, switching up the menu so to speak, for me personally, it is about new experiences to savor. You can feel your breath, give it texture and sound. When you hit a backbend just right, DIVINE.

Dave's class was a Vinyasa Flow class. It was kind of like being taught yoga by Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High- or even better David Wooderson from Dazed and Confused. It was alllll goooood...After opening meditation we started to move. For the first five minutes I was so effing distracted by the woman in front of me. I desperately wanted to get up and adjust her upper back. Seriously, this is what I was thinking about, it was driving me CRAZY. I had to STOP. I started practicing with my eyes closed. When I did this, I was able to go inside my body. I started noticing the smells of the food cooking, the music and sounds of people breathing. I was able to open my eyes and savor my practice. Ahh.....bliss....it's allll gooood......

Do I agree with everything Dave teaches in a class? No. (Never, NEVER push your hips forward in Camel pose, please trust me on this.) I love flow, but I am also an alignment freak. Does that mean I didn't have a great class? No! (You CAN have an integrated vinaysa flow class.) I was not there to judge, I was there to enjoy, so I aligned my body, hugged in and flowed. After the practice, Barbara Sibley, chef/owner of La Palapa presented us with a true feast. we sat on the floor and ate community style. It was fabulous, homemade tortillas, the best guacomole I have ever eaten, sesame mole, cactus, black beans, rice, salsas from heaven, margaritas from the other place (OMG- so good, but damn!) salads, plantains....it just kept coming. It was incredible.

At the end of the night my friends asked me what I had thought of the experience. I smiled and thought, I am in the city with three of my favorite people. I got to practice yoga with them, eat with them, and laugh a LOT with them. I met lovely people (Jamie your jewelry is stunning!!) It is now a memory colored by sensory experience. I will treasure it.

Today I took Dave's class and put an Anusara spin on it. It was lovely. Dave brings people to yoga with honesty and humor. I respect that entirely. When you open your heart and your senses, bliss is there for the taking. 

So thank you Yeah Dave, congrats on your upcoming wedding to your lovely fiance. Savor that day, it is yours and your future brides...no one else's. You don't have to talk to, or entertain everyone (best wedding advice I ever got). 

So trust in the yoga dude......and Just Keep Living... and if you don't know where that quote is from, go right out and get the movie Dazed and Confused, it will explain everything.

Inspired Status

I just came back from a workshop at the Yoga Loft in Bedford. It was taught by my teacher, Bernadette Birney, and was SO COOL to have her teach at my studio. It was even more cool to be surrounded by students, friends and fellow teachers....it was downright INSPIRATIONAL!! I know I am using more caps than usual, but that it how I feel right now. Prepare yourselves.

For those of you who don't know about Anusara, it is a heart-centered yoga taught with the highest intention to align with the divine. It takes an extraordinary amount of time and study to become a certified Anusara instructor. There are less than 400 in the world. One of the steps to becoming an certified instructor is becoming an Anusara Inspired teacher.  It is very intense. I did Anusara teacher training several years ago, and it was so intense for me that I even ran away from it for awhile. I explored other things, but in the end, something kept bringing me back. My journey was that much more valuable to me because I did have doubts and questions. I felt that I didn't fit in. What I finally realized was that it wasn't a question of "fitting in", it was  about me becoming the best and brightest version of ME. Not me trying to talk a certain way, or emulate someone else.

To receive Anusara Inspired status a certified teacher has to come and audit your class. I had been dragging my feet in asking someone to watch my class. I kept telling myself that I was going to get to it eventually, but I think I was avoiding it because the last time someone critiqued my class it did not go so well. In fact, I walked away from that experience doubting my ability to even be a teacher AT ALL. It felt soul-crushing. 

A student of mine came to the workshop (Yo Susie Q!) and afterwards told me it was interesting to see where I came from. I realized I do sometimes use Bernadette-isms, but not because I am trying to sound like her (that would make me sound false, and even worse...like an idiot) but because she inspires me. That is the beautiful thing about this yoga, when you open to grace, there is inspiration EVERYWHERE. All of these students of Bernadette are finding their own voices as teachers. She wants us to be ourselves. She should be very proud of the gifts she has offered all of us to help us on our way to achieving this.

Two Wednesdays ago I felt the dire need to go take a class. As luck would have it, the lovely Rebekah was teaching down the road from my husband's work. (Blackbird Yoga- great studio in Georgetown) I called my long-suffering husband and informed him that I would be dropping the children off at his office in ten minutes. He responded, "What?" at which point I said, "Oh no, I'm losing you....see you in five!" and hung up. I dropped off the kids with my bewildered husband and headed to class.

When I walked in I was delighted to see Bernadette was there taking class too. Rebekah taught a wonderful class with a theme centered around being the Odd Duck. Having often felt like such a duck (or a dork...) I had a great class and walked out feeling sated.

Ok, here is where it gets interesting....the next day at the Loft, Rebekah thanked me profusely for coming. I told her that I should be thanking her for such a wonderful class. She then told me that Bernadette was there taking class so Rebekah could get her Anusara-Inspired status (she got it, btw YAY!) and didn't I know that? Wasn't that why I came? I said, no, I just really wanted to take a great yoga class.....I had no idea that you were being audited! That is so WEIRD and WONDERFUL at the same time!!

I was then inspired to teach a class revolving around the theme that the Universe puts you right where you need to be.  It is up to you to figure out what to do when you are there. Apparently the night before, I needed to be in my friend's class to support her as well as being led through a kick-ass practice. After my class Rebekah told me how much she enjoyed the theme and how I wove it through the practice. I was so filled with inspiration from her saying this that I left and immediately emailed my friend and Anusara certified teacher- the great Karen Rider. Karen had generously offered to audit my class for me months ago. I felt finally ready to take her up on her offer.

One of the reasons I practice the yoga I practice, is the love and support of others. I taught class and afterwards Karen gave me such absolutely lovely feedback. It was positive, it came from the heart and it didn't make me feel diminished (or make me cry). It was inspirational and made me want to be a better teacher. I was thankful for it.

So thank you Bernadette, Karen, Rebekah, Kate and all of my teachers, students and fellow yogis. You all inspire me. You all have beautiful hearts and I am blessed to have you in my life.

Signing off, Courtney Bombeck, Anusara Inspired teacher (pending paperwork:)

No Words

I have to admit I have been struggling for a couple of days to figure out what to write in this blog. Normally I have to restrain myself from sharing perhaps TOO much information. When this happens when I am teaching, I can simply tell the students to breathe. I resist filling the class with words to avoid silence. One of my teachers once told me, "Talk less....Teach...more." For anyone who has ever been to one of my classes, lack of conversation has never been my problem, but what is there to say when there are no words?

I have been following the epic disaster in Japan, as has everyone else. It is devastating to even watch the footage, let alone imagine what it would be like to BE there....have a loved one there....not know if someone you have a connection to is missing. As removed as we are geographically from this situation, it affects us all.

After the news, I felt anything I could say in my classes would be trivial and so was prepared to teach a straightforward, physically challenging class and leave everything up to the breath. Somehow, the words came. I taught a class about daylight savings time, because everyone was still a little off. Somehow that evolved into talking about renewal and shining a light into the dark scary places in your life. Usually such things look a lot less daunting in the light. The monster under the bed is not so big; the bogeyman in the closet not so frightening.

The human spirit is an amazing thing. Even with all of the destruction going on in the world and some of the terror and struggle that follows, the sun will rise in the East, light will shine, good people of all nations will step into help, those who can't will hopefully contribute what they can, whether it is aid or prayers.

As a practicing yogi, one must follow their own path. I try my hardest to turn to the light. I try my hardest to see adversity under the brightest light available to me and move forward. What is always amazing to me is how most people do the same. It is truly wondrous and not a lot can be said about it with words.

It is a language of the heart and spirit.

Bad Day...Good Friend

I was having a tough morning this morning. Everyone has them. Usually it is several things which hit at once creating a perfect storm of anxiety and frustration. I always think it would be easier if one crazy thing could happen a week rather than all at once, yet the universe never seems to comply. It also doesn't help that I am having PMS which is probably TMI- my apologies.

So to set the scene....this morning I woke up early, yet managed miraculously to fall back asleep, thus ensuring I would wake up LATE to get my kids ready for school. The kids were not very receptive to me flying down the stairs with half my clothes on frantically crying, "We are LATE! CLOTHES ON!!!!" and then whirling around like a spastic tornado. They alternatively rolled their eyes at me or flat out ignored me, whipping me into greater heights of frenzy. My husband then called giving me VERY stressful news. While I tried to process this news and get everyone out the door simultaneously, I couldn't find my keys or my shoes. My five year old then asked me, "What is wrong with you?" at which point I burst into tears.

Now both the kids are both looking at me with alarmed expressions. I tearfully ask them to get in the car, and fearful of me losing it further, they go without a word. We go off to school with me chanting like a mantra....Mommy's fine, Mommy's fine, Mommy's FINE......

I get to Starbucks after drop-off, order my coffee and sit down figuring that the caffeine will calm my nerves. Even the baristas are looking at me the way one would look at someone who might be crazy and perhaps it is better to treat said person carefully. I put my headphones in and begin to write out a lesson plan for the afternoon. I am teaching 15 six-year olds for their Daisy Troop meeting. (which was kind of like herding cute little kittens....on speed...fun but exhausting)

My friend walks in who I meet most mornings. She had called earlier to tell me that she didn't have time to sit with me today because she had a spin class she was running to. She says hi quickly and then gets in line to order her coffee. Then she looks at me a little more carefully.

Now normally I am the type to not share my inner turmoil, I am more of the "I'm FINE!! How are YOU??" personality. She gets out of line and comes over and asks, "What's wrong?" Now this is the second time I have been asked this today, once by my child and now by one of my close friends. I don't want to bother her though, so I try not to cry, which results in my face looking like a squashed tomato. She then immediately puts her arms around me for a hug and I do start to cry....in Starbucks.

When I cry, I don't look like my friend Melissa, who looks tragically beautiful. I look like a mess, and I sound like a sheep with a head cold. Suffice it to say, it is not pretty. But it needed to come out, and it did. In Starbucks. I was so mentally exhausted at this point from trying to keep it together, that everything that was bothering me or hurting came flooding out. My friend sat quietly and listened. She hugged me when she felt I needed it.

I then realized with horror that she hadn't gotten her soy latte and she was going to be late for spin class. She told me not to worry about the coffee, she didn't need it. She then said, "I wish there was something I could do other than listen." I responded, "But that is all I needed....a friend to listen to me." She gave me one last hug and left.

I felt drained, but better. I then realized I had forgotten to ask her something about a play date. I was about to text her when I looked up and she was walking back in. Had she forgotten something? She came and sat beside me and said, "I don't want to leave you." When I tried to protest, she told me to shut up. So I did.

I sat with a good friend and it was all I needed to center myself. She gave me this gift. So simple. Quiet listening, empathetic comfort and unconditional friendship. This is what defines true friendship.

I often say that listening is a skill we need to practice every day. To give someone your undivided attention without framing your response to them in your head as they talk requires practice. We want to fix things for the people we love, (or flat out FIX the people we love) but often all that person requires is authentic attention. It is a gift.

So thank you friend....you know who you are.

Transitions and Transformations

Every Tuesday I drive to my yoga class in Darien. On the way, there is a house that posts a countdown to Spring. This past Tuesday I was driving by and focused on the sign- 16 Days Left till Spring!!! Yes! YES! I think we can agree this has been a VERY long winter. Today I noticed the crocuses popping up by my back door. I love the image of new life simmering under the surface. It seems very quiet, but something is about to happen.....

Something is simmering in me. I feel as though things are shifting in areas of my life and it is making me uneasy and excited at the same time. For the better part of the winter I have been letting a physical injury heal. This has made me very restless at times. At other times I believe it is the universe's way of telling me to tend to my inner self. So I practiced clearing my head and taking a good look at the good, bad and the ugly. It has been interesting to say the least.

In yoga there is Jnana Shakti, Iccha Shakti and Kriya Shakti. Jnana is knowledge, Iccha is will and Kriya is the resulting action. Basically you know what you need to do, you decide you are actually going to do it, and the you DO it, whether that means making a major change in your life, or simply not eating your children's Valentines candy (oops).

Transitions are not always easy, in fact sometimes they downright suck. A curveball comes out of nowhere and you have to deal. People change, loved ones disappoint, SHIT HAPPENS. We can become disenchanted with aspects of our lives, big or small.

Disenchantment, whether it is a minor disappointment or a major shock, is the signal that things are moving into transition in our lives.
William Throsby Bridges

When I examined what I thought was a major disappointment in my own life, I came to realize that it was in fact an opportunity. A very nerve-wracking opportunity, but an opportunity nonetheless. Now I need to do something about it. The hard part-Transformation.  


I tell people in class that they should be proud when they fall rather than disappointed or frustrated. There is beauty and transformation in the effort. To try a pose that intimidates you is in a word, scary. To leave a situation or end a relationship that is familiar, but has transitioned into a place where you are not happy or fulfilled, downright terrifying. But how can you ever transform yourself if you don't take an active part in your own fate? 


When we were first trying to buy a house, we had a certain amount of money we could spend and I looked at EVERYTHING in our price range. It was quite depressing to say the least.  My mother would accompany me on viewings as my husband was traveling quite a bit. We bid on and lost two houses. After losing the second house and crying hysterically to my mom, she calmly told me "Everything happens for a reason." She kept saying it. In my head I was responding, "SHUT UP!!!".  But she was right. We found our house, our town and made wonderful friends. An opportunity arose in a town we wouldn't normally have chosen and now we couldn't imagine leaving, but if fate stepped in today, who knows what would happen? (No, we are not moving.)

I now realize what I thought would be a terrifying change is actually a relief. I will make decisions with an open heart rather that through fear of the unknown. I will challenge myself to take risks rather than relying on safe choices.

And I WILL NOT eat the kids Easter candy.